AJ "Evans" Junior™

Lately I've been having bouts of very negative feelings weighing down on myself. The free time I have now doesn't do me any good, it just gives me more time to think, and when I think I tend to think rather negatively.

I had a good talk with my parents today. I'm glad I have such a great relationship with them, and when I asked them whether, in all honestly, they were contented with their lives, they gave me enough examples of their lives to actually make me feel quite... proud of them.

The long talk allowed me to finally clear my head after so long, and deep inside me, all I want for 2010, is to be in a relation that is reflective of my parent's footsteps.

안녕하세요! Learning a new language is fun challenging and refreshing. I love how I can spell and read words that I did not recognize few months back!!! But the bad thing is that I have no one I could practice on.

Oh wells. Back to reading 한골.

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EEEEEEEEEoooohhhhwwwwhy?

So I went, dragging zq along with me. Only because ray demanded begged that I come see her band perform. And I was pretty glad I did, since returning back to the scene which I used to be familar with was a very nostalgic feeling. It actually made me miss the whole deal. Though sadly I didn't recognize a lot of faces this time round. The game's the same, but the players have change. The old hands have retired and the ones that stayed behind all look so dated.

Peeps I bumped into: Hentai Queen, Leo, DarkMirage, Shane, KonoeKonaha, Umehiko, Bjorn and his cheese knights, think I saw Forceflow but he didn't recognize me. Vanda came after I left sadly.

I went there without a camera and I felt so naked. I wished my 10d was still working. Sigh.

The switch of location, from the Expo to the National Library was a good call, since it's a lot more accessible. But the drama centre = bad idea. Sure I get it when they want it solely because they wanted a good stage and system for the performance but come on, EOY is a cosplay event and space should be a priority over everything else.

Some opinions:

- Place was too small, and the crowd was insane. Everyone was overflowing everywhere, and the library security people were so adamant about containing everyone to level 3. There was practically no space for the photogs to take pictures and cosplayers to move around.

- Security at the auditorium was fucking anal about the no-standing rule, which honestly is retarded because why the hell are they reducing the number of people who can actually watch the performances? Thank god I manage to catch ray when her band performed the 2nd time. Which was epic, and I will talk about that later. I nearly missed it thanks to them. Thankfully I am a ninja and I appeared on the 2nd floor and slipped past the guards, but zq bumbled and alerted them.

- Sound equipment not that fantastic, so much for wanting a proper stage setup. Only good thing is the acoustics of the room that helped. The old EOYs had a shitty stage, lousier sound, but plenty of room for everyone to have FUN. We could actually MINGLE around, unlike the forced get-a-seat-or-you're-out-bitch sitting area.

- Booths are a little disappointing? IDK. There were quite a lot of art circles, but where are the dolfie booths (that i used to secretly enjoy?) Not really a big deal, though I must say the quality of the artworks produced are getting better.

- Entrance to the drama center, dumb. Exit and Re-entry is at the same door, making it insanely difficult to go in and out. The other door was reserved for presale ticket holders and it was barely used at all. A little reorganization on the ground wouldn't kill.

- I'm hearing from the old timers that the level of cosplays have declined and the better ones like the legendary Lenneth and all went over to Japan to cosplay instead. But I didn't think it was so bad, in fact I quite enjoyed most of the cosplay. Probably because I haven seen them in a while, so they felt okay to me. Notable mentions- The FF13 group was insanely awesome.

- Ray's 2nd performance was EPIC. Because her band was doing a soundcheck onstage, she had to fill the silence with a little bantering, and she surprisingly turned out to be a very very good MC. Immediately she won the crowd over, and her most legendary performance before her actual performance was when she had to throw a prize (Fisherman's Friend sweet) for a winner and she threw it and it fell flat on the stage. HAHAHAHA. For a moment everyone was stunned and then all started laughing like mad. I swear I heard the silent screams of "MOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!". I now hoped someone youtube her. This could possibly be a new interweb meme. The Fisherman FAIL.

- KKNM was notably missing.

- Oh and it was pretty fun to see ordinary library goers suddenly get a major culture shock when they see a hoard of cosplayers fill the library.

Sadly I had to leave early at around 3.30ish. Metup with hy who was working at Bugis for lunch, then headed home to prepare to book in. Gah, sunday DOS duty spoilt it all. =(

X'mas was business as usual, at my grandma's place, though this year she's not around because she's staying with my aunt and her family in australia. Food, catching up, and stoned faces from x'mas eve celebrations. And yeah, I have a lot of female cousins, and no, you may not know them.

Eve was a little more fun, went out with my church friends (charles, cy, cher, sadly celest didn't return back aust) whom I meet once a year during x'mas eve for our usual celebration and merry making. That's one of the only two time I go to church. How holy. At least I make it up by singing very loudly. HAHA.

I'll be honest and say that I really don't feel anything this x'mas. Being in the army makes festival seasons a little meh. Meh in a meh way and not in a grinch meh way. Yeah. I know that doesn't explain much but, meh.

Some of you might remember this post 3 years ago where I dugged out all my old pictures from secondary school all the way to my early lasalle days. I've always been quite willing to try all kind of hairstyles, so I tend to go through rather drastic changes.

Was looking through my lasalle to pre-army and current pictures and thought I should do a part 2 and update the changes. It's a post nothing but full of pictures of myself, don't click if you can't stand my face, lol.



( Early Lasalle - Current Army state )

1 thing for sure- I sure as hell miss having long hair.

The goons crashed over at my place and we are struggling to stay awake. this is so going to kill my internal clock on x'mas eve.

Just thought i should do a little reflection of what has happened this year. Looking back, there isn't really much unless if i want to count in my military highlights.

- Passed out of sispec, became a sergeant at tekong, took my first batch, promoted to platoon sergeant, took my second batch and went thru a lot of shit.

- Physically, my left knee has deteriorated quite a bit. am seeing a physiotherapist for it, and i honestly don't think it's helping. walking too much occasionally makes it quite painful, though I try to keep running (mainly to burn the excess carbs).

- Photography wise, my 10D has died on me for good, my goal of saving to buy a new 7D is on its way and i've helped corrupt new people into taking up photography.

- Scripts wise, zero written scripts. Tons of treatments and idea sketches, but nothing concrete. I fail. Seriously, so much for wanting to taking advantage of the free time in camp to write, but instead whenever I have free time I just want to sleep.

- I miss school a lot. Despite the amount of shit we are thrown in, there is a sense of ownership of the things created and people work together to push thru it. In the army, everyone's just waiting for the 2 years to pass. Speaking of 2 years, I have 261 more days to go.

- I really want to go overseas and study and immerse myself in a foreign country's film culture, but that's not going to happen since things are rather strapped at home. Will most probably head into the industry and start working from there. Very much looking forward to working with Eric again.

- Nothing's clearer in my head. Too much going on, too many voices and no decisions.

some days ago,


( his favourite shop was challenger. now, it still is. )


( add another movement day. )

<3 <3 <3

Decided to hit a piece to practice my color balancing. Lately I've been too reliant on auto-ing my shops so I thought it was time to start kicking myself back in shape. Too bad i don't have a 3rd girl to work on the magenta, lol.

I just discover bright red blood in my stool, and it doesn't look good. I was shocked when I saw my entire tissue paper covered with blood. It's the first time I'm getting this and a quick google on this symptom tells me that it's one of the tell tale signs of colon cancer piles. Oh wow, just great.

Going to observe my stools for the next few days. If the problem persist, I'm going straight to the doc.

myself with fang and steph @ steph's art gallery x'mas celebration.

Finally I have a picture to show my paul franks, which I totally love ♥. Hur hur. Oh and I'm wearing the zara leather jacket that I talked about. Yay for materialistic love.

I've always believe that everyone one of us was made imperfect. As much as I would like to keep this as un-religiously sounding as possible, I cannot deny the saying- God made man imperfect. This imperfection is but a black hole in us, a hole that is deeper than the oceans and seas, and darker than the starless nights. And with this hole in us, we constantly seek day by day to fill it up.

Some people throw material wealth into the hole, in blind hope that it will close up the hole. Clothes, tech toys, sprees, you name it we buy it. Others bury themselves in work, chasing a dream or a goal and working hard to reach the end of it, just so to fill up the emptiness and assure oneself that they have got everything.

But people like me, we choose to ignore the existence of the hole. We pretend it never existed. We go on with our lives, pretending to feel contented, pretending to be happy, and putting on the best show of our lives with our friends and families around us. We create happiness around people we care for, and we fight like we mean it.

But it's only a matter of time.

Lately, the facade I've been putting on is wearing thin. The little black hole I have been carefully ignoring is clawing its way out onto my consciousness. The more I fight it, by buying plenty of unnecessary wants and making the extra effort to accommodate to people around me, the more a darkness seeks to pull me in.

Slowly but surely, I feel alone. A sense of loneliness that wells deep, fights to keep me drowning in it. I used to be fine being alone, doing things alone and all. As long as I got my music, I was contented with playing with scenes mentally as I shoot my own music video inside my head.

But right now it feels so terribly wrong, so foreign and alien to me that it feels as though I've been jilted by everyone around me. It's uncomfortable and I can't wash it off. Like a black ink stain on a shirt, it stays on glaringly, refusing to go off.

And then when I look around me, I slowly start to see the silent battles of people around me, friends and strangers alike, fighting their own loneliness. Their degree of the black invasion, as I called it, differs from each other, but written in their faces, they all had one thing in common-

The lack of a companion in battle. A brother or sister in arms.

I find myself harder to do anything these days, without thinking- wouldn't this be great if I could share this with someone? And wouldn't this be great if that someone actually loved what I shared with?

I don't understand why all of these have to come back to me right now. It's been 5 years, and in soon to come it would be 6 years. I've been fine all these while, so why now? Why do I keep hearing the hollow voices calling from the black hole? Why won't it stop anymore?

we hung out at khai's wedding place on saturday midnight.


( congratulations bib!!! )

In regards to the malay wedding under our block:



I laughed so hard.

Yesterday was zq's 22nd birthday. It was done a litle difference because he's hates cakes and doesn't want the usual birthday fanfare and all. So we decided to try something different, and we went to Kallang to ice skate. zq and hy are totally new at this, ch's pretty good and i can skate pretty much on my own, just that i'm quite bad at braking, lol.

We also bought zq breadpapa puffs as a "cake" since he likes eating puffs. But still he prefers only eating custard puffs and not cream puffs. Picky fucker.

And it's so expensive nowsaday. Back then we could skate for an entire day for the same price as what they are charging us now for 2 hours. Meh. Since the other ice skating ring in jurong closed down, they practically have monopoly over this.

We had dinner at the Old Airport Road and we went crazy with the awesome food. Ordered about 11 dishes of food from different stalls and my stomach nearly died there. This is so not helping my dieting.

No pictures with me, so waiting for hy to upload hers. I really hate how camera-less i feel these days. Need to get my 7D soon.



Oh yeah, I also bought a copy of Latent Images. It's a damn good read on the history of singapore film and it's quite dated, since it's the second edition. Reading about the success and failures of local films is helping me shape my perception of what the audience wants vs what i want to tell as filmmaker.

Lastly, why why why why why why why why why why why. Okay enough.

The most awesome in-your-face shades. I should get a pair for x'mas. X'mas special promotion: 2 for 50euros, 10 for 300euros. Free shipping and delivery. I need to find 9 other people who's willing to fork out 60SGD.

Hell, it was even featured in La Roux's I'm Not Your Toy mtv.

x'mas presents maybe?

I was just telling zq how I find girls with moles extremely sexy, especially those near the eyes (highest rank!) followed by the lips (second highest!). He didn't believe me until he met my girl, Lenka.



And of course, my all time favorite girl, hirano aya. I totally dig her new makeover. Nevermind the fact that every other person is complaining how ayumi she's becoming.



Even my character in aion has a mole as well. God, she is so hot too.

Last night I went town with zq, who wanted to do some shopping. And (as usual) ended up with me spending money on a kickass zara faux leather jacket ($xxx), while he didn't buy anything. I hate this. I always tag along for shopping trips and I end up becoming the spree spender.

When it comes to buys that require me to consider, I would take forever to think about it. But when it comes to shopping for clothes, I am impulsive. Help. At this rate I'm never going to be able to buy my 7D.

/me goes to facebook and request for extra moolahs:



Will be wearing that for steph's x'mas party later at hill street. mmmmh.

Christ, I had a nerdgasm when I saw this. It's been a very long while since I've been blown away by any CPU casing and this one takes the cherry. This comes very close to beating Apple at their own game. Too bad this casing alone cost USD$849.99.

I bought Modern Warfare 2 days ago (yes I know i'm late), and I am loving every bit of it. Single player is rather short, but it's okay since a bulk on the content is in its online feature. Story and cinematic, as usual is great. The oomph factor is there, though there are some plotholes (which, by hollywood standards are acceptable).

Need to grind more levels on MW2 now. Currently Lvl 25 First Sergeant. Lol, gotta love how fast I'm getting promoted there. Add me on steam if you wanna play with me- toothache

And here it goes again, using a game to distract myself. Don't you just love how easy it is to distract me?